live your life girl

Have you ever bathed with a stranger? How about 1000 strangers? I recently participated in The World’s Largest Sound Bath. So, not like a bubble bath but a spiritual bath surrounded by music and sounds to cleanse the soul. And, just in case I forget, I would recommend a sound bath to anyone. It is an incredible way to open yourself up to a type of meditation that impacts every cell of your body while you lay there comfy with your suki. I am not a great meditator, in fact when I need to concentrate, I need distraction. The tv is on when I might be developing a solution at work, I love listening to soulful lyrical music when I write, and when I update my goals, I love playing Eat, Love, Pray in the background. Live you life girl, even if it’s with Julia Roberts eating her way through Italy. Maybe I love a sound bath because I don’t have to sort out what is in my brain in the silence. This recent experience happened at the exact moment I needed it to. With the fall equinox officially starting it is that time of year that gets me thinking, but really when I am not thinking, about life and purpose and where mine might be heading as I see another season pass. The leaves turned colors, almost overnight, from brilliant green to the yellow amber that gives my bedroom a golden glow in the afternoons. I have been thinking about how quickly they move from season to season from barren to buds then lush and playful to light and fragile. I have been feeling a little bit the same about my life lately. I have moments of no motivation to full of aspiration and activity and then I turn inward and brace for the fall only to do it all over again.

During the sound bath I couldn’t quite get comfortable and if you know me personally you know that my expectation level grows as my stress level rises. I wanted this experience to be amazing and as it started, I felt like I was failing at getting in touch with a deeper meaning. I adjusted my legs, my hoodie, my crystals, did I have enough essential oil on, will the reiki healer know I am open to healing, am I too close to my friend, is she having a good time. I was ruining my bath. I worried it was going to be over too soon I and I wasn’t going to get the message I so badly needed. And trust me I had no clue what message that was, but I wanted one…I needed one. I wanted something to jolt me awake to remember who I was and why I was so stuck and where I was going in the future. I opened my eyes and looked at the sky while the sound rolled over me. I saw a brilliant star shining so bright even with the pollution from the city lights. It reminded me to just…be. It was the epitome of live your life girl. Just shine as you do every night and even if your light is muted by your thoughts and expectations, you can still exist to someone, something that needs it, and that light might be just for yourself.  As soon as I lowered my expectations and just existed in that space like the star above me, I could feel the vibrations of the bowls and strings awaken my body. I felt my legs vibrating and as I closed my eyes, I understood that this experience was not to be controlled. The leaves fall every year and even though we want summer to last a few more days the leaves will still fall; we can’t control that. They must fall to be buds again.

As I immersed into the bath surrounded by warmth and beautiful noise, I felt a lump in my throat. It wasn’t that feeling before you cry, it felt like something was blocking me from speaking. I felt it in my heart. I have felt it before. I tried to imagine my favorite waves to relax my brain and almost immediately flashes of memories flooded me. I started seeing times in the past that caused heartbreak, disrespect, changes that left me sad, and faces that I must still be holding on to. This was not the enlightened experience I expected from the sound bath, but I knew I had not fully fallen like the leaves. I needed to heal from the hurt that I was still carrying around before I could be a bud again.  At that moment I heard a voice whisper and warm hands on my head and temples. She was a reiki healer among many that were offering healing during the sound bath. It did not take long for my tears to start flowing as her hands became warm on the crown on my head.  I could feel the lump start to dissipate as she wiped tears from my face. She audibly evened out her breath as she touched my hands, and I matched her breath. I knew this was a way to release this feeling from my body as I had done before during past reiki sessions. I saw my favorite waves and felt the release of that all that past pain. It was an incredible experience.

Enlightened? Not in the way I thought but exactly what I needed at that moment to push me forward to something great. The sound bath and healing did not wipe away all my pain, but it was a bright flashing light guiding me. It was time to work on letting those leaves fall for good. I have about 80 days until the next season officially starts and I want to live my life girl every day to the fullest working on a little piece of that pain that holds me back, just like those last leaves of autumn.

We cannot ignore that winter is around the corner, and I cannot ignore that I still feel hurt from people and events that have happened in the past. It is ok to hold on to pain, it fuels us, but it should never hold us back. We must live our life girl knowing that with happiness there is pain. Understanding that we must exist in both so that we can shine a little brighter for ourselves and maybe someone else that might need it.