live your life girl

Every three weeks she asks me “Is that water too hot?” and I reply the same thing every time “No, I like it when it burns a little.” Which is true I like super-hot showers and I love when my pedicure soak is a little too hot. I also love really cold things which is a different blog all together. We have always shared a sort of connection that can’t quite be explained so we definitely have some good conversations as she improves my paws and claws. I see her as a trusted friend, and I don’t care if I have to pay her for that – she is worth every penny! She is about 20 years younger, but we have a lot of similar thoughts on life. She shares one of my favorite memories with me – playing 90’s alternative on a juke box during my 40^th birthday celebration after I made out with the lambchop guy – soul sisters for life. This week she asked me her hot water question and I replied with the same answer.  We were alone in the salon, so we were able to talk a little more openly. I shared that some weeks getting a pedi and feeling the hot hot water was the only genuine feeling I had. We laughed and started discussing about how sometimes days go by and we forget to laugh or cry or feel angry. How we are so consumed with life, work, and surviving we forget to enjoy the reasons we do it.  Chalk it up to my Gemini flames of extreme emotions to no feelings at all but I felt comforted that she had similar feelings, and I wasn’t alone. And in turn she wasn’t alone either.

As my past few blogs have shown I have been concerned with an impending change, or transition, or transformation. There is something in the air that feels different. An optimistic energy that is on the verge of greatness, haha. Maybe its fall and maybe there is an energy shift in the universe. I do know that feeling that hot water on my skin perked me up and stirred some motivation with in me. I want to be clear that finding satisfaction in hot water on my feet is not my way of self-harming and if you feel you might self-harm please utilize resources available to you like 9-8-8 or talk to your trusted friend about those feelings.  I think that after going through events like the recent pandemic we all felt a little numb at some point. Overwhelmed with feelings, confused on what to do or say about controversial topics, how to make an impact and speak for those who can’t. I never felt an impact until about a year ago when I lost my emotions all together. I built a wall and closed off anything that might make me feel hopeful or happy or even hurt. I self-sabotaged relationships and closed off people that may have too many red flags. I declined invitations and came up with excuses because I didn’t want to attend social gatherings. There was too much risk in being let down. It was the opposite of living your life girl. Sometime in December of 2022 I started feeling the hot water again. I felt a need to experience life and remembered why I chose my current job, why I purchased my condo, why I wanted to enjoy my life.  Who doesn’t want to enjoy life? That’s a silly question – we all do. But can you honestly say that you fully enjoy your life? To your level of satisfaction? We all make concessions but that is just being a good human. Live your life girl rule #4 do no harm.  After sitting for 10 hours in chair working – what is it that you do to enjoy the life you are working for? After a 10-hour day I make dinner and watch some trash tv and go to bed. Did I laugh did I cry did I have any emotion during my after-work activities? Or did I zone out rehash the day and then fall asleep – yeah I did…I do. When she wrapped my feet in the super towels she asked if they were too hot and for moment it was but I knew that the initial sting would pass and it did. Just with working a long day and zoning out, it passes, and I wake up the next day with intentions to enjoy life. I am not booking trips to Ibiza to club all night but sitting outside on my lunch break watching a hummingbird feed is so simple but joyful and makes me feel happiness and curiosity. As I left the salon we chatted more about enjoying life and how we would both make more of an effort to remember that we work to live our lives girl and not live to work.  So, who’s ready to book a trip to Spain so we can live our hot Mediterranean club lives…..girl?