live your life girl

If I were an animal, I would be a wolf or a fox. My favorite candy is a Twix or Take5. My favorite tea is earl grey. My favorite story is Pride & Prejudice. Every other week we share a tidbit in our team meeting about ourselves. Yesterday we shared our most difficult transition. When she posed the question, I immediately thought all my transitions were the most difficult – at the time. How will I choose just one. I have learned valuable lessons from each of them past, present, and if I squint, I can almost see my next transition coming down the road.  The meeting was at the end of the day and as I drove to my yoga class, I couldn’t get parts of the conversation out of my head. All my most difficult transitions didn’t really belong to me and so in true JMPF fashion I felt determined to search my heart for a transition that wasn’t impacted by another person’s decision or behavior. Ending a job before I was ready to leave is someone else’s action and my reaction is the transition.  Moving back from Indiana after my breakup was based on his decision or rather indecision to be with me. My most recent transition from ride or die bestie to Auntie had nothing to do with a decision I made but rather a decision my best friend made to transition into motherhood. And although I love every bit of how she is living her mom life it was one of the hardest transitions I have ever endured.  I have shared thoughts about change before and how others life changes can impact you even more than the actual change. But this is different. A transition, by definition, is a process or period of changing from one state or condition to another.

So, what is MY most difficult transition? A process or period of changing that belongs to me, not someone else? I suppose before I was live your life girl I was if you don’t want all of me you can’t have any of me girl. That was a tough transition. I moved to Indy to pursue a career in restaurant management. I struggled. I made mistakes. I was sad. I missed my friends. I missed my family. For the majority of the almost 3 years I lived there, I was unhappy and alone. But during that time, I did fall in love, and I saw a different side of my life I didn’t imagine I would ever want. One day it was over and whether his indecision made mine easier I still decided to leave…for me. I could have stayed and worked at it. I could have moved out across town and restarted. I could have been friends with him. I could have fallen in love again. I didn’t. I gave my 2 weeks’ notice to him, my job, my Indy life. It was the first time I was confident in my gut feeling. I didn’t think about it for more than a couple hours – as I remember I decided within minutes of hearing him say he just wasn’t sure. At that point in my life I could not live with the idea the person I loved wasn’t sure about me.  I needed to leave to start new or go back to something old and safe. I needed to move home. So, I lived my life girl straight to the Indiana boarder and I cried as I crossed the Ohio line I cried because transitions are hard, and I was about to begin one of the hardest times of growth in my life.  

I was welcomed with open arms from family and friends. Restarted my old social life and even found a great job within a few weeks of moving in with my parents. They really were great roommates. I found a deeper bond with my sister and even booked my first trip to Cabo that first year back. I know you are wondering how it was a difficult transition because honestly it all sounds great. It was great but I also found that I was not the same optimistic person I was when I left Ohio 3 years earlier. My experience with indecisiveness had developed me into a less forgiving person all around. I didn’t know it at the time but looking back I think this was when JMPF and live your life girl really started. I remember facing some challenges with longtime friendships that resulted in the end of those eras and although there were times, I looked back in regret I now see it as an evolution. I became more cynical and less optimistic but that allowed me to make room for deeper friendships with those that were experiencing transitions of their own. I succeeded in my career, and I felt confident about who I was. I learned that if people really want you in their life, they show you.  And it was my responsibility to be as genuine as I could so that I had no regrets of who I allowed to live your life girl or boy in my orbit.

Those first couple years at the beginning of my 30’s were amazing times. I discovered so much about myself that I still carry with me today. I have gained a little bit of my optimism back and don’t fault Mr. Indecisive for not being sure. I credit myself for knowing that it was time to transition into a different state of my life, ha ha literally.  I started living my life girl in a brand-new apartment that I stayed in for over 10 years.  Although that “transition” felt like only a year two I see that as the beginning of my life. I still live by the if you only want parts me you can’t have any of me – with a few caveats. I know I have mentioned this before about taking the good with the bad and that still resonates with friendships, relationships, or jobs. If you can’t accept the bad with the good then it is time to move on, whether its your choice or not. In some cases, the universe makes those decisions for us to understand the next step in your evolution, change, transition, era, or growth.  Yesterday, I wanted to answer my boss’ transition question with that I was in the most difficult transition I have ever had right now, because I don’t think we ever stop transitioning. As humans we constantly need to evolve and grow. In my past transformations I forgot what I learned so I have felt I have been evolving for 20 years. The lessons that have stuck with me have defined my authentic self and have allowed me to live my life girl unapologetically. Over the last couple years during another transition, I re-discovered my tough alter ego that had her first re-birth in my late 20’s. JMFP continues to build healthy boundaries and demands respect any where she goes. I will continue to stretch a little taller and continue to grow through any transition, change, evolution that comes my way living my life girl sure of at least one thing…my own authenticity.