live your life girl

My anxiety started to grow, and I felt sweaty all over. As I tried to avoid the frenzy, chaos, and confusion I seriously grew concerned for my wellbeing.  I dodged flying arms and abandoned carts and even a crying child in the aisle. I didn’t realize it was back to school shopping weekend. I thought it was patio and garden clearance shopping weekend. I had just upgraded my clover field/wildflower sanctuary to a relaxing boho chic patio.  I needed the icing to finish my look. I was on the hunt for that special inspirational pillow that would bring everything together but all I found was stressed out Mom’s, probably in need of a chic boho patio with a glass of wine.  I felt stressed and not at all motivated to keep searching for my inspiration, but I had to keep strong and search the parkway in every décor store I could. 

If you happened to read my last blog post, I mentioned a project I started thinking and dreaming of 3 years ago after I moved into my condo. My condo is set in some mature landscaping and offers two amazing outdoor living spaces. A semiprivate back deck which has some amazing afternoon sun and can offer a neighborly walk up whenever I am lounging outside. Great for late night make outs and laughs with the ladies. My place also came with a patio in the front with enough room for a bistro table and had a mulched bed that I imagined could be a cozy patio finished with pavers and a cushy couch with chaise lounge. Light in color and airy in inspiration. I imagined enjoying my morning coffee in the spring and fall, cooling down with a pink margarita in the late summer and sharing a bottle of red in the early winter sun. It has only taken me a little over a thousand days walking by the sliding door thinking, someday I will finish that patio. Or telling myself “this is the last time I am weed whacking these weeds and wildflowers and I will get motivated to clear the ivy and go buy the pavers and sand and rocks to finish it”. But as we all do, I made excuses. The first year it was – I have too many inside projects and then, well, I lived my life girl through a pandemic. The second year it was…hmmm…I don’t remember what excuse I made for that year, I am sure it was logical and made perfect sense at the time, I was probably too busy living my life girl after the pandemic and maybe too may driveway drinks. 2022 I was healing from a breakup, and I finished my back deck that spring, oh and I saw a snakeskin, so I wasn’t motivated to find a slithery friend. This year, I was travelling, or I am healing my knee, or it just isn’t the right time.

A few weekends ago we lost power and when I sat in the house waiting for anything to happen literally anything I was so bored, I told myself that if I had power, I could weed whack again and start the patio and I knew as the words left my head, I was making yet another excuse. I walked by the sliding door and noticed my wildflower sanctuary had started growing out over my fence. I thought to myself, you really need to just get it done. You need to do some hard work and check it off your list. Stop making an excuse and make a plan instead. The power came back on a few hours later and I rushed to Home Depot to plan out my first steps. I purchased enough pavers and supplies to get an idea of how I would lay them out. I even brought my work gloves so I wouldn’t ruin my fresh manicure, a past excuse I made for not doing the work. I unloaded my goodies and made plan for the next day, Sunday. I fully expected to wake up and make an excuse as to why I could wait till next weekend, but I didn’t. Thinking about sweating and pushing my body physically was exciting to me. I had a vision, and it was finally time to see it come true. I had not had this feeling in a long time. Remember, I could have it all anytime I wanted it. But if I wanted a relaxing boho chic patio I had to do the work myself. I spent Sunday pulling ivy and weeds and huge stump, spraying weed eater, and plotting out how may pavers I would need and how much sand and stone to make everything look just right. The next day, with a little help from my neighbors, I purchased as many supplies as felt I could carry and started later that afternoon laying down what is now a relaxing boho chic patio.  It only took me 2 full days to make it happen after putting it off for 3 years. I complete it, unscathed, a little tired and sweaty and dirty but I felt like I worked towards something, and it paid off. Now when I wanted to polish it up with few trinkets, I could have it all, I could get the extra pillows because I worked for it. I could live my boho chic patio life girl every night out their if I wanted to.  I felt proud of myself when I saw my dad enjoying his morning coffee out there today. Enjoying a cool morning before heading back to the Florida heat.  Pink pillow supporting him and the sweet sunshine glowing up his gray. He was living his life guy on a very chic patio.

Just because I can have it all doesn’t mean I still don’t enjoy working for it. I felt at peace smoothing the sand and placing the last paver in. I could feel the aches in my muscles for days after and I enjoyed knowing why they were sore. When I made my first pink margarita last weekend, I couldn’t stop smiling at how cozy it felt to be in a space, I built all by myself. Honorable mention to my neighbors for their ongoing support and hopefully will help share that bottle of red as summer slowly fades into fall. The next time you feel a little disconnected, replant your favorite fern, get dirty, dream up a new design for your living room, paint something only you love, put your feet in the grass or move 25 16×16 paver stones around all day. You can live your life girl and still have it all but don’t forget to do some hard things to make you feel gratitude for the life you have in front of you.